Kena Hysteria

Hysteria. It is difficult to understand. What is hysteria actually? Is it really cause by demons or ghost? We don't know. What we know is, it is one of the topic that is difficult to understand in psychiatry.

Do you know that hysteria came from the word hystera which is related to uterus. It is intially describe only spesifically only to women. A disease of women. Maybe because man does not really affected and uncommonly experience hysteria. However, there is reported cases of male getting hysteria even though it is uncommon.

Compare to other 'demonic' or ghostly story i've heard, hysteria is the most hard subject to be doubted. If you doubt, a lot of people would say difference so called evidences to make you believe. So most of people believe that hysteria is really caused by ghost.

A friend seriously and try to make me believe in hysteria. There is no scientific explanation can explain hysteria according to her. However, i am a skeptic, yet also a believer. But i need to understand it thoroughly before i agree with her.

One theory proposed that hysteria is a reaction of our brain function to stress. You can see that hysteria never happen if you are staying happily at home but more to happen when you are far away from home, in boarding school or any institution. It is a kind of home sick reaction. It is a protective reaction to make sure you can cope to stress but it an inappropriate way.

However, we are not saying that those who got hysteria is malingering or pretending but it is a subconscious reaction. You won't know that your brain is doing something. Sometimes, it also happen because of the effect of other people. Such as when someone told you that he got hysteria when she was staying in that room, you would get hysteria too because subconsciously you are believing it.

I am honest, i don't understand hysteria at all. It could really caused by demons.

A friend of mine mentioned regarding mass hysteria. The queston is simple. " How can a group of people get hysteria at one time if not caused by a demons disturbing them?"

The explanation is simple. mass hysteria happen, just like what happen everyday when a mass media giving a false information regarding earthquake or war exploding. Everyone would get panic and became hysteria, running and shouting while nothing will happen actually. One example of mass hysteria, for your information, is The mass hysteria of war of the world. This happen when a radio broadcast that an alien has landed in earth and killed human and beginning to move and conquer the world. Mass hysteria occur at that time and this give us some brief idea that hysteria can happen not only limited to an individual but also happen in a group. Mass hysteria that called it.

Eenthough, sometimes hallucination occur during hysteria. That is usual. however, if everyone is experiencing the same hallucination, how can it happen?

A lot of things we can't explain. What we can't explain more importantly is not ghost or demons. but the way our brain function. Up until now, we only know that we are using maximumly 10% of our brain capacity. What is in 90%? How can a brain only use 10% of it capacity.

90% is a hidden puzzle for us to learn. Either there is nothing inside that 90% or, 90% is the key of understanding everything in our life.

Hantu Hindu Islam

Read history. Then we will be very clear that Islam did not exist from the beginning of our early society. Hinduism is the first to come to our country in fact almost all southeast asia country.

The unlimited effort of muslim missionary and merchant hundreds years ago brought with them a new religion which is so beautiful and attract most of the people in this region. Our ancestors had a mass conversion to Islam after that. Sultan and leader of society conversion also contribute to the mass conversion of the early community in this country.

However, after hundreds years Hindu has established in this region, can Islam came and simply eradicate the ritual and belief brought by Hindu religion? The answer is not really. In fact, most of our custom and tradition nowadays are adapted from Hinduism.

Take Wedding ceremony for example. It is adapted from hinduism but we mix and match it with Islam teaching so that it can be practiced until today. Islam is very flexible in every way. As long as it does not distort our belief in one God which is Allah, then it is ok.

However, many other tradition based on Hindu teaching was dump by our society as we are getting more educated on separating Hindu and real islam.

Alas, there is some thing that cannot be deleted from our people regarding Hindu teaching in fact, most of us does not know that this is from hinduism and not Islam. We are already perfectly blend with it. This is regarding ghost.

Islam when it came to us from Prophet Muhammad, never mention that there is a ghost in this world, or a dead can be rise to life as ghost, or some place have their own spirit or ghost. never mention anywhere in Islam books except that from our own region where Islam was mixed with hinduism. All this believe was brought by the influence of Hindu religion that established long time before islam came.

Strangely, we can separate some hindu teaching from Islam but not this one. It is becaming inseparable for now and surely in the future. No one can eradicate this.

From what i've read in a book regarding Islam civilisation and movement in Southeast asia, even though this belief is from hindu but as long as we still belief that God is superior to everything and we use Islam method to chase away the ghost, then the author said that nothing can be done. Unless someone is 'menyimpang' from Islam teaching then it would be reconsidered. But for now, no one can separate this.

I am not attempting to try to separate it, i am just a mere young person who is conscious enough to realize it and i am in no position to change it. I just attracted to the interesting fact of it.

If Islam never teach us regarding ghost, then why do every one believe in such thing?

What mentioned in Islam is regarding devils and jinn but never mentioned in Islam that this two entity can harm 'anak adam' @ human. They are trying to divert us but not to eat, bite, or kill us.

So, what to do? Nothing. This is the biggest mass delusion ever. Fixed belief. cannot do anything.

However, i hope that more people who are educated will later somehow, did not teach or pass their fixed belief to their children. I guess children can move forward much more if they did not believe in ghost or such thing. Trust me, they will. Look how many person here in our country afraid to walk at night, or do any activity at night because they afraid of ghost. Look at how many who does not dare to explore because of their concern of jinn and spirit of the jungle. We are restricted with this beliefs.

I guess, our grandma said that there is ghost at night just to make sure that we did not walk alone at night because it could be dangerous. dangerous as maybe there is kidnapper,serial killer or rapist. But this wrong teaching will cause long term effect. Not only children but up to the age of 25 or even 30, this children will be afraid.

So why do we believe in Ghost if our prophet Muhammad never mentioned it, and God's word in Koran never ever mention about ghost?

well, i don't know.

p/s: What about the ghost that i have seen in during my boarding school? Are they not ghost? Is Islam missing something ( does it forget to mention about Ghost?). Think about it, i guess the answer lied within our own brain. Should i talk about how interesting a person with Schizophrenia? They saw weird thing, They was ghost. They saw god. But everything was just a hallucination. it would be a very long paragraph if i want to talk about hallucination. But it does explain everything. Our brain explain everything that is unexplainable.

Our brain also unexplainable. If you think your brain is yours... you are wrong because your brain owns you. Scary.

Kena Santau

I am planning to write regarding odd believe in our society for 4 chapters however, i guess i could not make it. 2 parts is very hard for me to write. Time is so restricted nowadays. Ok, this part supposed to called Kena Tindih 2 but i guess 'tindih' does not correlates with this second entry. So i called it Kena santau.

I was hearing a friend saying with a serious tone regarding santau... I, too, was very serious because this issues is never a myth for me. I've experienced it. Not me. But it happen to my beloved mother around 10 years ago maybe. I could not remember the exact date. I was in primary school at that time.

Lots of people in this world live in jealousy. Some are healthy, some are not. To make it worse, most of people live negatively thinking that someone always want to talk and do bad thing to himself or herself. So, because of this, the story begin.

I don't know why, but the 'bomoh' who cured my mother said that the people who did 'santau' on my mother was jealous of my mother and father happiness and try to break it. That people also think that my mother is talking and doing bad thing to her so she take revenge without anyone offending her. So problematic.

So what happen is, my mother had nightmare, could not sleep at night, loss of interest, loss of weight and appetite, afraid to go outside the house and always glooomy everyday. Because of the nightmare, she could not sleep until she frequently fall sick and she look so depressed.

At that time, I was young, i could not understand everything. What i understand was my mother is sick.

Frequently, we heard strange sound in our house. Sometimes we see weird stuff like a green boy sitting on our living room, hear footsteps in the middle of the night, sound of door being shut (but no doors were shut at that time). So scary. I still remember that period. I used to believe that there is a ghost in our house. I hate my house at that time. I could not sleep tightly every night.

My mother was treated as depression in hospital. But the medication does not relieved her symptoms. So eventually, like all other people in our society, we searched for a 'bomoh' ( tradional medicine practioner), and ask for help. Not only a bomoh but bomohs. Many bomoh. I guess around 3-4 bomoh but none of them can solved the problem.

Until my mother find a bomoh that is so skillful that everyone said that he can cure any disease. We met this bomoh and ask for his help. He did help, with some traditional ritual and everything, he said that he chase the 'santau' away.

A day after the bomoh treatment, my mother suddenly woke up in the morning and rush to us and said that the day is brighter and merrier to her compare to before. She said that the sunshine is so beautiful after so many months of feeling gloomy and dark. We were all happy. My mother was cured.

After i enter medicine, i start to doubt the whole story.. From the little facts that i can remember, i would say that my mother was having major depression. It is a psychiatric problem. It explain almost all of the symptoms.

When I was in psychiatric posting, i've learned that antidepressant take some times to take effect, and when it does, it would make patient feel the today is brighter and happier compare to yesterday.

Is my mother suddenly feeling better because of the effect of the antidepressant prescribed to her? Was it all only coincidence? Did the bomoh only do something rubbish and everything was cured by modern medication?

I don't know. But when i start to doubt something, i would not put that thing as correct until it was proven correct.

However..

what about the symptoms we were having (everyone except my mother)? The strange sound, strange image and everything? Was it like shared psychosis? I don't know. Was it all are caused by our strong belief in this thing?

Compare to sleep paralysis, i was more confused on this one.

Sadly...

Lot of people still belief in this thing. It was not wrong. However, it was sad when someone who learn evidence based medicine or science (it does not matter what specialty), strongly believe in such thing. If someone present as major depression, should we said that she was having 'santau'?Should we first allowed ourselves to think openly and think about other problem which have explanation first before the one who do not?

I guess, as a skeptic yet a believer ( we need to be both if we born in East but learn knowledge from the west), we need to think of the scientific reason behind the problem before going to the unexplainable facts.

Sometimes, i do believe that science cannot explain everything, but why do we need to find the hard part first.

" Don't make youself complicated," a friend said to me. I remember this simple saying until today. If there is a problem, simply solved it with the easiest solution. Why must go and make it complicated?

So i guess i will keep it like this. Don't believe first, and believe it at last.... rather than believe it now and prove wrong later.

p/s: A friend suddenly realize that i am a skeptic type of person.. and she said What about hysteria? What about ghost you have seen? Why are you skeptic when you've see one? What if it happen to you? Dont you scared? Don't talk big, ghost like people who are 'cabul'.

I do believe....

before going further, i would explain first on Islamic Hindu we've practiced here in Malaysia and later about hysteria..in the next entry.

Kena Tindih

I was hearing a friend describing seriously regarding her experienced on 'kena tindih', a common condition where people said that a ghost was lying or whatever it do on top of you making you unable to move and breathlessness.

I am hearing this kind of story since i was a kid, from almost everyone, and even myself experienced it occasionally and i do know what does it feel and how distress you are during that attack.

For many years, I was convinced that this is caused by syaitan, ghost and demons. Reciting koranic verses will chase those thing away and will make the problem disappear.

Honestly, I want to ask everyone who read this (muslim), how many times when you recite koranic verses and the problem immediately go away?

It would not. Until you are totally panicked and after a few minutes then it will go away. Why? Do i not believed in the power of koranic verses? No. I do believe. But this is the problem.

KENA TINDIH DOES NOT EXIST OR IT DOES NOT ASSOCIATE WITH DEVIL, GHOST OR DEMONS!

This condition is called sleep paralysis. I've discussed this with my psychiatrist during my psychiatric posting. I was pretty shock about the truth. And i feel awkward looking at the people (especially who are learning medicine) believing in such thing (ghost and demons). Not to say that ghost do not exist, but pretty sure they do not cause sleep paralysis.

Forget Kena tindih, let's have a glance of Sleep paralysis. \

Everything i've said here would be from what i understand after studying physiology. So if you are really believers and want to learn more, try and search sleep paralysis and learn about it yourselves.

1. It happen when you are having REM (random eye movement) phase of sleep. This is when you are really in deep sleep, and you would be having muscle atonia, simply said, paralysis. If this does not happen, then you would be moving around when you are sleeping. Sleep occur in cycles, so this REM does not persist throught out the night. Does not matter, just remember that when you are in REM, there will be muscle atonia.

2. What happen is, during REM, suddenly your brain awake but, your muscle is still paralysis. This would involved more complex mechanism involving brain stem function, motor cortex, so complicated until even no one is certain which part of brain are involved. However, to understand it, just remember that your muscle is paralyse but you are awake.

3. During this time, you would be aware that you are paralyse, unable to move. At this time, your brain will become stimulate. It is like a false alarm. Your brain start to realize that the body is paralyse. At this point, there will be panic symptoms. You will feel breathless, heart rate increase, feeling afraid and scared and it also associated with hallucination (commonly audiotory hallucination, that is why you usually will hear something strange and weird which you would believe that it is ghost or something). Sometimes visual hallucination also occur, this will make you see 'ghost' / something that is not there.

Everything happen because of your brain false stimulation. During this period, your brain will become stimulated, electrical impulse will be shot everywhere in the brain.

4. What you must do is to direct this electrical impulse to be beneficial to make your body move. And this is where your big toe plays and important roles. Why? Because it is the part of the body which is the farthest from the brain, far away from the brain. Guiding your brain to send impulse to big toe, will cause the impulse to move along all level of your spinal cord and this will cause al muscle to be stimulated and wollaaaa.... you are not paralyse anymore.

It was so interesting to understand this condition. It is so beautifully crafted by Gods. How Gods created our brain and muscle and nerve and by understanding this problem, you would understand how beautiful god creates our body.

sadly...

Most people believe in ghost more than gods. Believe that this is the deed of a ghost, hantu raya. So sad if someone who learn medicine (the knowledge from God), but believe more on ghost and demons.

So, everytime you all 'kena himpit', don't be afraid. The 'ghost' would not kill you. In fact, there is no ghost around. It is just your brain who are failed to stimulate your muscle during REM phase of sleep which supposely you are in deep sleep.

Brain said " You are in deep sleep, not supposed to wake up" but you did...

p/s: I was curious about this problem since in secondary school. What happen is... I was having multiple sleep paralysis within a month. I was really believe in ghost and demons at that times but after reciting multiple times koranic verse, it does not go away. So when i enter medicine, i understand why Koranic verses does not have effect on this. Because there is nothing to be chase away except yourself who are panic on that time.

p/s: I do believe in ghost, i've seen it twice. But i do not believe ghost cause sleep paralysis. There is some thing that ghost may be involved, but i was positive that this one does not.

My hand's hurt.

I've injured myleft hand by doing some heavy lifting exerise without proper warming up. The pain is so terrible i could not straighten my hand right now. Biceps muscle so hard and tense for a day.

It make my life difficult. Difficult to put on shirt. Difficult to drive. Difficult to take something even books. Difficult performing prayers.

Now i know why people always said and told us to do proper warming up before doing anything.

The reason is, when we do warming up, our muscle and joint would become more lax and well prepared with sufficient energy generated by ATP and some ions such as calcium and whatever, everything will be prepared and ready to be used durin our exercise. I even read in my first year of study that doing some warming up exercise will increase oxygen supply to the muscle and thus prohibit formation of execessive lactic acid in the muscle that make you feel muscle sore after doing some exercise.

I guess not only during exercise, almost everything you need a 'warming up'. Even in exam, before you enter the exams room for your long case or short case examination, sometimes you speak to yourself like a crazy person, does not mean you are mentally challenge but you are doing some 'warming up' so that no words and fact would be forgotten later.

Even when we are eating, usually we have appetizer, a 'warming up' meal before the main course.

What is the thing that we do that do not need 'warming up?'.

Well i don't know...

I've learn my lesson.

What Happen in My second day of Raya

I want to write something regarding this topic.Regarding what happen in my second day of raya. But i just can't. I don't know why. My hand is numb and my brain is hazy. Why? Is this because of my tiring journey from Labuan to KK today? ( I took a ferry from labuan at 7.30, with delay, arrive at menumbok at 10.30. Then took bus from Menumbok to Kota Kinabalu, with heavy traffic during raya celebration, the bus manage to arrive at 2.30 pm. Then i have to walk to Terminal wawasan to save 50 cent bus fee and there i took a bus to UMS. Arrived at UMS at 4.30 because the bus won't leaved until it was full. And there is no other bus around. Other bus 'cuti raya'). 

I was very tired. Tired. Sore. I slept for 1 hours when i arrived at UMS. I woke up with a simple message in my phone

SMS: Tomorrow 9 am clinical block HQE got meeting. 

That message not only gave me the information about the meeting but also gave me the idea of  I am starting my new posting tomorrow and i am still tired. 

I was thinking, it was fun to be in Raya Holiday years ago. During school years. raya used to be a month while today, raya is only a few days, 2 days or 3 days more precisely. I'm pretty sure that days and days after this, my life would be the hospital and patient, lecture and bed side...that is all. Very not interesting. A long time ago, Raya is the day where i can hang around the house very much i like. It was like the best day in my life, the best day in a year. Now, it is only a mere holiday. 

I really want to write about what i did during my second day of raya. I just can't. Too tired. Need to sleep. need to iron shirt. Need to mentally prepare for bed side tomorrow. 

Can i just please have one more day..... 

Nak Duit raya..

What happen in my first day of Raya?

Well, i woke up early this morning to perform Raya's prayer. I guess this is the main event of the day. The second event is to visit cemetery. Other than that, eat whatever prepared by my mother in the kitchen.

Watch TV all day long. Some of my aunt were coming to my house. Come then leave. Nothing interesting happen this day. I guess i was too old to celebrate Raya with blossom time of mood.

I use to call my home as a 'haunted' home since not many children dare to come to my house during Raya. But then, today there is a few kids came and as usual, asking for duit raya ( ang pow in chinese but Malay also used to call it Angpau. 1Malaysia eh).

I am thinking, is this tradition a good tradition? Asking people for money? begging for money? Money without any effort. Just came and beg for it. I guess it is not.

However, according to my father, it is charity. We gave money to the children as charity. That is the good aspect of this tradition. But to look it the other way, we also encouraging the children to beg for money. What if a 20 years old guy came to your house and ask for money? Would it be nice? No. But because they are children, under age, still going to school, so it is good for us to give some charity to them. Islam is all about charity. Helping the poor to live. No one is left behind.

But i'm kind of thinking, how about we change this thing a little bit. what if instead of giving those children who beg for duit raya what they want, we might give them maybe some quiz, or something like that. Whoever get the correct answer deserved the money. Haha. Let us teach the children the real image of this world. There is no free money!.

My family laugh at me when i say this. But i still post it here. haha. For a good laugh. And for us to maybe think something behind the story.

My first time...

First time of what? well, today is my first time baking my first cake in my life. Just a basic marble cake. Look like marble. Very easy. It was the basic of every cake made in this world.

Well, i would say that i don't like pastry, i don't like bakery. I like to cook not baking. but somehow i think that baking could be essential. Know everything a bit better than knowing nothing at all.

It was a success. haha. The taste... i guess it would be nice because i did not forget to put sugar in it. So it will be sweet. Sweet means nice. Haha.

Tomorrow is Raya, everyone is looking forward to hear mohor2 raja mengumumkan later this evening. I don't know what is 'mohor' in english.. Lazy to open up the dictionary.

all right.

The end result is....

I've baked my own cake. haha...

Shopping For Raya

Well raya is ultimately a shopping season. Everyone don't mind to spend hundreds and thousand ringgits for raya. It does not matter, only once a year. Setahun hanya sekali.

People warned in the TV, there are even TV commercials stating that people should not membazir (wasted) their money during this once a year festival.

the question is, which one should we followed? Should we spend little and celebrate raya with what we have only? Or we spend a little bit more so that we can enjoy this festival.

What if people did not go shopping and just sit down and eat those ikan goreng or ikan rebus with nasi during pagi raya (the first hari raya morning)? Can that be called celebration? Or should they wear t-shirt or last 5 years baju kurung and baju melayu? Would they feel the mood of Raya?

I guess, sometimes, we need to spend more during this festive season and for once, ignore those stereotype voices asking us to save our money.

What is wrong is to spend money to show off to people. For example buying house furniture, expensive clothes, maybe buy a new car, with the intention to show this to other people. This is what we call riak.

But to spend a little more to give your child and yourself a piece of new cloth that you can only afford to get during raya and to buy food for your family to eat and for neigbours, your friends, your relatives, is not wrong. It is a good thing to do.

To decorate your house beautifully, it is not wrong. To buy furniture to replace the old furniture you have been keeping for the last 10 years is not wrong.

In the end, if we celebrate this festival extravagantly, a few years later you would always remember it as a precious moment. Your child will remember it. Your wife will remember it, the whole family will remember it.

Whispering," During that time, our house is fabulous, my cloth is gorgeous, the food is marvelous...".

A time to remember is worth spending your money for.

ESR

1. As a medical student, everytime i went back to my hometown for holiday, it does not mean that i can run from medicine. I do feel like i want to run away for a week from medicine but i just can't.

2. even in holiday, there are family member who would ask me some question regarding their sign and symptoms and it is more difficult than the exam question where your answer would be rejected if it is false, but with your family, no one will say you are wrong. You are always right. But what if you are wrong? I guess i am liar if i answer it wrong. I'l like committing a sin.

3. So i try to answer the best that i could. For every symptoms, i would go for the simplest diagnosis that i can make. For example, if someone ask me about headache, i would say it may be due to stress, maybe migraine, and so on before getting to meningitis or encephalitis, tumor and everything. I don't want to make them afraid.

4. So it is like exam huh..! I would be ready for everything. Ask me a question, vague answer followed by " must go and consult a doctor" would be my usual answer. This is important, i don't want to make a diagnosis at this point. Go and see real doctor would be my advice to everyone because people really need to see doctor if they are sick and not only rely to this young final year medical student who are struggling hard to pass exam.

5. However, the funny thing happen today when my auntie came to my house. I was ready for the question... and the question is " My ESR is high, what should and should not eat?"

WHATTTT????? ESR HIGH? IS THAT A SYMPTOMS? OR IS IT A DISEASE? NO IT IS A LAB TEST RESULTS?

In what world people would go and ask you about ESR increase? How do they know?

6. This is the evidence of advancing health screening program that organized by private sector who want to scoop money from the people. Measure ESR, show it to be increase and make people spend thousand ringgit for supplement what would not cure the ESR. How do we cure high ESR actually? Do we have some kind of insulin for that? haha.

7. Well, ESR is raised when they are inflammation in our body cause by infection, notably tuberculosis in my endemic area for tuberculosis or athritis. Any inflammation. Name any other inflammation condition...SLE, RA, Gout...etc..everything can cause ESR to be increased. But is it significant? I guess another lab test is CRP which also give us idea regarding on going inflammation in our body.

8. So do we routinely check for ESR? no. We don't. Without any diagnosis to be confirmed, we can't simply order ESR. It is an indicator for another disease.

9. So why do those private hospital or clinic check their patient (without any sign and symptoms) ESR level? Simple, money lah. Who will not be afraid if there is abnormal result in their blood investigation? Everyone will. So more opportunity to make their patient spend more money to buy thing.

10. Sometimes it is good to do routine check up. We may have a disease that we did not realize for a very long time. But, the bad thing is, it also can cause hypochondriasis (google yourself!).

What important is, doctors should educate their patient regarding anything that they found to be abnormal in every investigation they made. Discuss and explain transparently everything that the patient need to know. Do not show abnormal result and left patient wondering like that and further more ask patient to buy supplement product from you.

High ESR does not always reflect a problem. if you did not have any pain, no fever, nothing, then nothing should be done other than having a healthy diet, good exercise and a very wide smile and a good laugh everyday.

Blog for Fun

1. People ask me " why do you blog?". My answer is "for fun".

2. You know it has been almost 7 years i've been blogging. Since the day when people does not know what blog is. Even i did not know what blog is at that time. I just simply create a page of mine and write something. Then i go write and write. I changed my page site. From cjb.net to friendster blog now blogspot.

3. I don't have particular reason to blog. I don't do it for the sake of money from advertisement, neither to collect as many fan to read it. I just love to write. It is fun.

4. Until today... i've write more than 200 entries in my blog...

Now the symbol has been found. ( The Lost symbol)

1. Finally the sequence of the Da vinci code was here on earth. haha. I do not know that Da vinci will have a sequence after such criticism and contreversy a few yaers ago. But it would be a waste if the life of Robert Langdon stop after he found the tomb of mary magdalene.

2. Now the lost symbol finally in stores. However i do not have money to buy it. damn. So expensive for the hard cover. I should stick to my routine buying the paperback cover which will cost me around RM36-RM39.

3. However, i hate when others already complete reading that book. i don't want people to tell me the story before i read it. I need to read it, and i need to read it quickly.

4. I love dan brown book so much. Compare to other book, well, i did not anticipate maybe the sequel to Kitarunner..no..sequel to Ps i love you... no. But i anticipate the sequel to The da vinci code. haha.

5. Other than Harry potter, i guess dan brown's Robert langdon's adventure was fascinating and unchildish. I did't read harry potter actually. haha. But i watch all the movies. Nice. But as you can see, it is natural for me to want something that is heavier and more complicated so my mind would never know what will happen next.

6. Please... give me The lost Symbol for free... haha.. I will collect enough money to buy that book. Wait for me.

UMS Medical School

1. Wow. It has been 4 years and ++ i'm in UMS medical school. What a life. I still clearly remember when i enter this school, a lot of critics were given to it until sometimes i feel so ashamed of being in this school.

2. however, spending 4 years (now i;m in final year) in this medical school, teach me a lot of thing. The important thing is, to be yourself, and to be proud on everything you do. And of course it also teach me medicine..

3. Some of the people do not like UMS medical school and trying to bring it down. I am not really clear on what basis they want to do that. I guess, if there is a school that want to provide good education to the people especially people here in Sabah, i guess they need to support it and trying to bring it down will bring no benefit to anyone. Let us just say, if during my earlier day in this school, suddenly it was closed on demand of those people, where should i go? And where should the other 100+ student go. Do they realize that they are destroying lot and lots of people bright future and dream? Haha. Sometime, people act clever but they are simple minded. Sometimes young people like me have more vision of the future compare to old people who sit around in front of their desk thinking about negative thing around them.

4. Luckily, nothing happen and my medical school still going ontoday. 2 batches already graduated and good impression were given by the hospital where they practiced. Giving us the next batch to have more confidence to follow their steps.

5. Yes it is true that no people are perfect. Even though i am in Medical school, doctor wannabe, but i am not god who knows everything. Sometimes i forget, sometimes i missed the fact, sometimes i look clumsy on examination, but i am trying hard. trying hard to reach the standard.

6. By far, there is a lot of pressure and stress that we had to go through along our study in this school. Lot of doctors were looking negatively to us, scold us, humiliate us as student from UMS, some nurses always say that UMS is not good enough ( and compare us to student nurse from KKM which they say are much better), we are not allowed to enter certain places because they say this is not teaching hospital, not UMS's... lot of thing. Sometime we feel that no one respect us and we have no dignity anymore.

7. But i remember one of the Pediatric surgeon told me " You don't have to respect yourself, just respect others". It make sense, does not matter how much humiliation we get, we will always keep on learning and learning. Nothing can stop us at this point.

8. However, good doctors and consultant are always there to help us. We were very grateful on how they want us to learn, teach us and inspire us to keep on going. To bring the name of UMS medical school and show everyone that we are not sitting around and playing games in this school. very thankful to those people who always help us and bring us forward and not leaving us behind like some did.

9. So now i guess UMS medical school is always the school that i want to be until today. it is funny sometimes when our lecturer are trying to find those student who hate UMS so much. I sometimes laugh in my heart and laugh a lot with my roomate. Why? Because we are just humble Sabahan who love sabah and grateful to be in UM-Sabah Medical school. Sometime me and my roomate would talk about how lucky we are to be in this school.

10. Yet, there is a lot of thing need to be fix and corrected for the future junior so that better quality will be achieved in the future. Always have a room for changes.

11. Anyhow, i'm supposed to talk about UMS medical school but now i am talking about myself in Medical school. haha. maybe later i will wrote something on my school. haha.

Lucky to Fast

I guess no one is fasting on my way from KK to Menumbok to Labuan. All around me people are eating, buying food, maggi, snack, nasi lemak.. why everyone is eating? Are not we in Ramadhan Month.

Maybe they are not muslim. But, wait, are not Malaysia supposed to be a country where there is a majority of it's people are muslim? Okay, let's be fair, half-half. So i am supposed to see half of the people are eating and half of them are fasting.

No, that is not the situation. Everyone is eating except me. I don't know why. maybe they are musafir... i don't know. Maybe.

However, i always think that no one is really practicing their religion nowadays. It does not matter what religion you are. We are more to liberalism, secularism, freedom, and independent. Pros and cons are there.

A year

Yes. It has been a year.... i was afraid that it would not last for long. but it is already a year. It is a proof to all the haters who want us down. For those who think that we are wrong, and a year has pass. I can last for long. A year just a first step. A first step but a big smack to the face of unsupporter. 

For those who gave a warm support and jokes, it was very nice of you all. I will do the same thing for ya'll. I always be fair for those who are fair to me.. 

Now came the next year to reach 2 year... this one would be hard but i always have a plan for everything. I will. 

Bila Jam

1. No one at home today. Everyone is on the road. Driving, and jamming the road all the way to Kota Kinabalu. It is like a trap. Once you enter the city, you won't be able to get out from it... at least for the next 1 hour. It was terrible. What happen? Are they celebrity in KK performing? Or someone is giving free food or money? 

No. No free food, no money, no celebrity, but something that is more powerful than that. Sale! 

From 50% TO 70% discount from almost every store in KK, in 1borneo, in City Mall, in every shop in in Malaysia. Hari Raya sale is coming again. This mean more crowding people and more traffic jam. 

2. I'm not going to the city for the sale. I'm just sending my girlfriend to the airport. And i am not excluded from the 'trap'. I was trap. Half day on the road. It make me sick. I was angry without any reason, and my head is spinning. I'm cursing in my heart all the way long. Luckily i was out after around 2 hours and i feel like myself again. It was dangerous. It is like a dark force is surrounding the city and everyone is getting more selfish and bit by bit turning into a demon. Even Ramadhan, the holy month could not suppress this evil demon. No one is smiling on the road. 

3. I'm not going to the city mall for the sale I just want to buy my dad favourite chilli. That chilli was finish in King fisher and 1borneo Giant. So I try to find it in City Mall. The demon is there....

There were no parking. I have to do some 'tawaf' double time to find a place to park my car. And what irritate me is when there is one parking in front of me, i put on my signal and ready to turn my steering to enter that parking when suddenly a car from in front reversed and almost hit my car and took that parking. I was mad. really. The reason he gave is he was there first. yeah, he is infront of me but who gave him the right to reverse his car and took the parking lot where he pass through before? I was there in front of that parking lot and he was far ahead, away from it. Stupid right But then, this is all caused by the demon. 

4. For 2 days, saturday and sunday, Kota Kinabalu was crowded. People are buying stuff for Hari raya. Maybe this is the festival. Not 1 syawal, but before it. When people are getting along with their family and go shopping together. When people getting selfish and only think of themselves and their family. For a guy like me, who wonder around alone, i was discriminate. hahah. Honestly, i am so alone wondering around the mall all by myself. 

5. I just want to stay in hostel. Away from the busy city.  But i could stand the loneliness in my hostel. Alone with the tv watching at me. So i grab my t-shirt and my car key, i drive myself to one borneo. As you all know, 1borneo is just 5 minutes away from my hostel. There is plenty of car park. I was happy. There is a lot of people but that place is big enough for everyone. So more space for me. I love that mall compare to other mall in Kota Kinabalu. 

6. I'm goiing back tomorrow. TO my hometown. I am relieved. I can't stand living in this city anymore for now. I want to have a break. 

Boycott Facebook

Now another issues arise. Facebook is supporting Israel. So we all need to boycott facebook. 

I guess Muslim is getting more and more like Taoisme nowadays. Rejecting all the technology while still ignorant to learn to become advance like other. 

A friend of mine, asking me, " If Islam is really the best and true religion in this world, then why Muslim country is no good than other non-muslim country? They are far behind in technology and economy?"

I have my own answer on this but you all can answer it by yourself. Ask yourself why are we left behind? 

The answer for that you keep for yourselves and i keep for myself. The point that i want to highlight is Muslim is not a country. It is a religion. America is not a muslim country yet have 7 million muslim if i am not mistaken. Even in Muslim country, there will always have other religion living side by side. I don't know why people believe in idea of a country for one religion or one race only. Nothing as such exist, except for Israel i guess. Special case for that. 

If we are acting like we don't want to watch our brother and sister get killed in Palestine, then why do we sleep at night or watching TV or spending our money for Hari raya and maybe go to Bazaar ramadhan and buy food for our family. Why do we live like the way we do today if we really want to take action? 

Do you ever ask, how much money do we gave to our brother and sister in Palestine? 

Afraid of what?

1. Just finish my OSCE exam. So hard. Compare to MEQ, MCQ and Essay (eventhough my prof said that she dissapointed with our performance in those 3 papers). Especially the paediatric parts. I don't know what to say. I almost give up when i cannot write a single corect diagnosis for that abnormal baby foot appearance. I think it is Hip disclocation. But by just looking at that picture, i could not really tell. Could be talipes, could be oedema of the leg. Aigo. 

2. Hari Raya is just around the corner. I am so anticipating Hari raya. However, I do not think that Hari raya will ever be the same as when we are young. During that time, Hari raya was so happening. Like flowers blossoming and the sun shine it light beautifully, comfort wind blowing, smile in everyone face..... Hari raya nowadays are more to, a day rest. Yeah, i guess i only have one day holiday for Hari Raya. Although, i have one week pre-hari raya holiday. That was nice. I can get a rest for one week. Away from hospital and all those clinical stuff. 

3. My target is to taste every different bazaar ramadhan here in KK. However, i guess one month is not enough for me, plus i got to do some more works for my study. So, until now, i only taste 3 different bazaar around KK. And i don't have more time to wonder around before going back to Labuan this weekend. 

4. Politically, i heard a lot of stuff happening here around Malaysia. I don't like to involved in politics, somehow, i can see that both side of Malaysian politics now are useless. Both have their own agenda but still mentioning that they do everything for the people, rakyat. I guess not. For example, if PAS want to make Malaysia an islamic country, non-muslim opposed it. When DAP want Malaysia to be secular, did he consider the majority of muslim in Malaysia. And when BN come, it is a total gibberish. haha. So everyone is trying to get a piece. But we cannot break malaysia into pieces. i guess, we need to replace all the politician here in malaysia with a very fresh new one. U know, when a young member recruited into a party today, he will learn from the senior, and later he became like the senior, then no changes. I guess, we are still waiting for an individual who can really change malaysia, and i am postiive that someone will do that later. We don't know. maybe that person has not been born yet. 

5. Religously, there are a lot of religous basterd around us. We can make a movie about that, titled "Religious basterd". What are religous basterd in my perspective? Those people who use religion to sell their product. Most of the product are traditional medicine. It was so disgusting. Did Ibn Sina and other older Muslim scholar and scientist promote a non evidence based theory just by using Islam to sell their idea? No, most of them study so hard until their theory and idea remains until today. Maybe if Ibn Sina said leprosy can be cured by medication i create only from pure water with glucose and some prayer, maybe it works, by God Will, but Ibn Sina did not do that i guess. All other muslim and muslimah scientist would not do that kind of stuff. 

We are a religion of knowledge and not only religion by ritual. We learn our religion and not only by thinking of it. We have books, we have knowledge from God in the form of books and other forms of knowledge such as our enviroment itself. So what we do is to study all of this, and make any product from it. Do we need to say this product is blessed because  it was created by muslim and by the manafacturer prayer, it will do everything. 

Enough said, some basterd are still there around us and don't trust this people. 

6. Islam have an idea of making a country where all religion can live in it. Obvious. It was stated in the history how Medina was created by Prophet Muhammad p.b.uh. Did all muslim inside that country? No, there is christian and jews. Did christian and jew gor discriminated until they need to change Medina to secular country before they can unite with other people? No. They can do their stuff. They only need to acknowledge that Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h as the leader of that country and pay some taxes. Muslim also pay zakat. So same thing. 

However, most of people were so scared of forming a Muslim country nowadays. for them the peaceful country is America, Britain, Singapore, and not Afghanistan, not iraq, not Iran. This is what is so wrong about a muslim country. Afghanistan, iraq and every muslim country that you see in the TV, is a country by nature and  not by religion. Medina did not have bomb and mass of destruction weapon (that time maybe in the form of sword or horse or more sword). What they have is only a peaceful country where all the citizen are protecting and ready to die for their country. 

So thinking of creating a secular country, does not really appropriate for Muslim. However, it could be the agenda for non-muslim, not their fault, they scared to get canned for drinking beer maybe ( did not realize that muslim punishment is for muslim only). If the law is appropriate for a Muslim, then do it. But if it is not, for example prohibitng women to work or go to school, so maybe not. To prohibit women to wear make up, maybe not. To prohibit man and women to talk and sit in the same place, maybe not. But what approriate can be done. Canning for drinking beer, i am the number one supporter. Please do it in my hometown so that no more crime associated with alcohol can happen. 

7. The funny thing is, if a non-muslim scared of forming a muslim country in Malaysia.... why Muslims that are panic? They are screaming, they are afraid. Of what?

Medical School Examination

So today is my exam on obstetric/gyanecology/neonatal/paeds medicine senior posting. It is always fun to write on the paper the word "senior". haha. Now i am already a senior. have to admit that. 

Whatever whatever. So today is my first final year posting exam. I am so glad that the question was not that hard after all. Even though there is some question that o could not answer. Not because the question is difficult, but because it was too easy.

Do you ever encounter with this kind of situation when you study so hard on difficult thing, then suddenly an easy question came out and you don't know what to answer. I do. I study hard on a lot of thing, on the management of ovarian cancer, management of pv bleeding, management of abnormal deliveries, PIH, Pre Eclampsia, but then a question directly asking me the classification of ovarian cancer, i could not answer it. I did answer it because i know the FIGO staging have that kind of classification which is similar to other cancer no matter what cancer it is. 

To make myself remember until death i would mention it here clearly in bold

Stage 1 Growth limited to ovaries either one or both ovaries

Stage II Growth involving ovaries with pelvic extension

Stage III Growth involving one or both ovaries with peritoneal implants outside pelvis or positive retroperitoneal or inguinal nodes)

Stage IV Distant metastasize

Why! Why i remember cervical carcinoma and uterine carcinoma FIGO class but not ovary. I was totally blank this morning. Hopefully, i get mark from other questions. 

For problem based question, no problem since i can diagnosed every condition given but maybe the details is not that accurate. 

I love the feeling after exams. Feeling of relieve. 

Next exam is on wednesday OSCE, and saturday Short Case and Long Case. I guess i have to practice speaking starting from today as preparation for short and long case. huhu. 

Unique Medical Exam

A Neurosurgeon mention to my colleague and she mention it to me that Medical exam is the toughest exam in the world. Why? 

According to him, there is no other exams that involves presenting skill, showmanship, spontaneous thinking, written and practical exam. 

To think about it. Maybe it is true. I can see that other course in the university only have viva (oral exam) maybe two to three times and they can prepare for that for maybe a weeek, or at least prepared. I don't know. When i compare my pre-clinical years 1st and 2nd year which is much similar to other course way of exam, it is much easier i think. let me brief something regarding examination in Medical School. This is standard for all medical school in at least Malaysia. 

First and Second Year

The exam during this two pre-clinical years was pretty much the same with other course. We have monthly exam (similar to midsemester exam but more frequent obviously). Monthly exam will consist of question from the current module you are in. For example, you are in Haematology Module then the question will be regarding haematology. Usually in my school, monthly exam is consist of MEQ, maybe around 12 - 16 MEQ question. For those who did not know, MEQ is structured question where every question consist of 5 marks and you have to state 5 points for each question asked to get the full marks. At least 5 points or facts. 

When it came to end of year exam, there will be MEQ, MCQ (multipple choice question a,b,c,d), and Essay. This applied to all module you've learned for that particular year. So there will be around 2-3 weeks exams. One week for Neuro module, one week for musculoskeletal and etc. depend on how many module in that year usually 4-5  module. Plus, there is also practical examination which is OSPE and OSCE and the famous VIVA. 

Essay is where we use to score a lot of marks because it is free to write and just write everything and somehow you will get mark, somehow. 

OSPE is an Objective Structured Practical Examination. Usually there will be 10-20 stations. Each stations consist of a specimen (eg: microscopic slide, cadaver, or any pathological specimen) and a set of question. It usually contains 3-4 question in one set. 4 minutes is given for each question and you have to examne the specimen and answer question provided. 

OSCE is an Objective Structured Clinical Examination. It is the same as OSPE but the questions are more to clinical. For example, a station with BP set and a patient, and you are asked to take blood pressure, or maybe check pulse, or maybe ask history. 

Viva is vary from medical school to medical school. Some medical school use viva for those who want to get distinction but in my medical school, viva is compulsory to everyone. As usual, viva is an oral exams like in primary or secondary school. You have to sit in front of lecturer and they will bombard you with question. You have to answer everything or say "I'm Sorry prof, i am not sure". Haha, schematic answer. 

Third, fourth and fifth year (clinical year)

So this is where we really get into business. The real part in Medical exam. 

Clinical year exam is somehow different. It consist of MCQ, MEQ, and Essay, and also OSCE, Short case and Long Case. 

MEQ and Essay are the same thing as pre-clinical years. 

MCQ is different in clinical years as it no longer consist of a,b,c,d multiple choice questions but it consist of TRUE/FALSE questions. The unique thing is if you got one answer wrong, one mark will be deducted. Thus, it is safe to not answer rather than relying on your luck. They said they don't want a doctor to 'tembak-tembak' on the answer so mark deduction system is necessary. So, usually one set of MCQ consist of 150 true/false facts that you need to answer. 

OSCE in clinical years is a little different because you are not seeing patient anymore. Just a picture of x-ray, lab result, and etc, and you have to intepret it. 

Short case and long case is the main part of the exam.

Short case is where there will be stations with patient in it. And for each stations, you need to spend 10 minutes either examine the patient, ask history, and etc. Usually you have to examine the patient in front of examiner (consultant or prof) and present your result to them. Short case is much easier because you are guided by the examiner. For example, a patient with shortness of breath - examine the respiratory system, then you need to examine the respiratory system and present your result to the examiner within that 10 minutes spend in that station. 

Long case is the hardest part but the easier part to score. In Long case, a patient is given to you. You need to spend 1 hour with the patient, asking history and examine the patient and work yourself to the diagnosis. Important thing is you know the diagnosis if not, chances to failed is high. After one hour, you will meet your examiner and present the patient's history and physical examination finding to your lecturer. It also include investigation you want to order and how will you manage the patient. You will spend 20 minutes discussing the patient problem with your examiner. The difficult part is to get your way out from trapping question given by the examiner. The only thing to remember is to not to dig your own grave during this part of exam. If you did not know, say i don't know rather than pretending to know everything. 

Professional Exam

Professional exam usually twice or three times along the five year course of study. Usually on 3rd, 4th or 5th year. Or some medical school had their pro exam on 2nd, 3rd and 5th year of study. 

In Professional exam, all will be in one. All in one. MEQ, MCQ, OSPE, OSCE, Essay, Short Case, Long Case in one exam. The most important pro exam is in the 5th year of study because that one will determine whether you can become a doctor or not. Final year pro exam or Pro Exam 2 in my medical school, will consist of everything that you learn from first year. So you need to revise all the five year knowledge that you acquired. 

My Pro Exam 1 is on 3rd year and i already passed it. It compile only what i study from first to third year. My next pro exam is next year. I am so nervous for it. 

Other than exam

Other than exam, obviously, we have to do assigment ( other course said) or for us we use to call it Case report where we need to prepare case reports for patient we clerk in hospital. We also have 30 clerksheet where you need to clerk and prepare 30 cases clerksheeet for every posting you do. Luckily final year do not have to this. 

Posting = 2 month of one subject For example ONG posting = 2 months in Obstetric and gynaecology ward and lecture. 

Log Book. Every medical student know this. Log book is a book consist of everything that we need to know and need to do through out the posting. Every work we do must be dully certified by doctor or consultant in the hospital. Log book will consist of clinical procedure you need to do, clinic attendance, OT attendance, Labour room attendace, bedside teaching attendaceetc.

Attitude. I dont know why but in my medical school, attitude is taken seriously. Lecturer have absolute power to kick you out or make you stunted in your current year of study just by judging your attitude. 

So i guess this is all about the exam. maybe i would tell more regarding how medical student study. Lot of people think that we only sit down in library or room reading book, without knowing that we had to attend more lecture and bed side and do clinical works other than just study. 

It is fun. it is tiring. It is stressful. It is time consuming. But it worth it. But sometimes people did not understand. 

Labuan Water Issues

LABUAN, Sept 5 (Bernama) -- Labuan's water woes will be a thing of the past when an undersea water pipeline from Beaufort Sabah costing RM365 million is completed by the end of next year.

What a relieved. But i believe this year aidilfitri, people in Labuan will suffer a dramatic deficiency of water. It will be terrible. Even my family said that maybe this year, there will be now Open house since water problem is so severe in labuan.

But it was a relieved to hear that goverment are doing something ( or at least promise something to the citizen). Is this a political agenda? We will see it later.

I hope next year, the long suffering of Labuanese since 10 years ago willl dissapear.

Anyway, i am taking my end posting senior exam for Obs, Gynae, Neonatolgy and Pediatric this monday. i'm so stressful right now.

HIV Issue

Do you realize that sometime people say that HIV is good for punishment for those who commit sin (eg: pre-marital sex). This is total rubbish. No disease is created as punishment. As you know that HIV was created by the mistake of scientific community in creating a vaccine for other disease ( read yourself), then how can HIV is a punishment? We have the right to punish?

No. HIV is not a disease that cannot be treated. It can. Not yet. I believe that someday, they will found the cure for that disease. I am positive on this one. haha.

Why women cannot marry more than one?

I raised this issues earlier this year. I don't have definite explanation on this one. However, evidence based medicine described that there is increase risk of getting PIH and Pre-Eclampsia in women who have history of pregnancy with different partner. (Simply put, pregnant with second husband increase risk of getting that disease).

Maybe it is true that women cannot marry more that one. Because they received paternal gene rather than giving during sexual intercourse.

Even baby is considered to be parasite in women's womb. But that is just a joke. But by observation, it is really acting like a parasite.

The only parasite that we love in this world. Loveable parasite.

Malaysia and Indonesia ; Kids who don't want to share.

ndonesia's often-prickly relations with neighbouring Malaysia are being tested by a fresh dispute over traditional cultural heritage.

A Malaysian tourism commercial aired on Discovery Channel has sparked an uproar in Indonesia because it featured a traditional Balinese dance called 'Pendet'.

Indonesians vented their anger over the perceived cultural piracy on Internet forums and social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook, many calling Malaysia a "nation of thieves." A firebrand legislator urged the government to declare war on the neighbouring country.

Despite sharing ethnic, cultural and religious identities, Indonesia and Malaysia - both predominantly Muslim - have been embroiled in occasional disputes over matters such the treatment of migrant workers, territorial disputes and, more recently, cultural icons

- Source: Ahmad Panthoni Sep 09. www.malaysiakini.com

__________

So upset. thinking that Both of us share the same blood and race as malay, even the origin of malay were from Indonesia, now Indonesia seem to really hate Malaysia whom their own country contribute historically in making what is Malaysia today.

How can a culture been pirated if the origin is the same? Sometimes, it was funny to look at this arguement.

For example, if we are Malaysian, acting like what Indonesia do (which always claim that Malaysian culture is a pirated version from them), thus can we Malaysian say that other Malay who live in other part of this world must not act, dress, and eat what we ate? Can we stop all the Malay in south africa to stop claiming themselves as Malay and stop trying to dress or be a Malay?

Some people are thinking culture as an object where you can claim it to yourself. But no. We could not do that. Culture is a development. No culture is born in this world directly from heaven or wherever it came from the sky. It evolved. From other culure, to form another culture.

I myself a Malay, admit that most of our culture originated from Indonesia. Did we learn history that Malacca first Sultan came from Palembang which is Indonesia today? Did we learn from history that Malay could be originated from Indonesia, and even some say Indonesian malay originate from somewhere else in Asia's mainland?

The important thing is, we need to learn more history and don't act like a kid which usually don't want to share what he had with other kids.

If we really want to, then do it gently because we are mature enough to think and act like an adult.

p/s: Maybe one day, someone would seel culture as culture now can be 'pirated'. 10 ringgit for a culture. Much more reasonable. haha.