Monday, August 11, 2014
It was proven again when looking into the conflict between Gaza and Israel.
They shout, they cuss, they diss, they even destroy public and private property to show their support to Gaza.
Nevertheless, for non muslim Malaysian, they bash facebook, spam everything talking about how stupid muslim shout, cuss, diss, destroy public and private property and somehow they did not support Gaza entirely and some even support Israel.
Both are typical Malaysian. We will never get out from this mentality, and if someone did, he is a minority and need to be stop and isolated.
My opinion and view, it does not matter who kill who, both are wrong in killing people.
Obviously, Israel are inhuman by killing lot of children and innocence people, and in Gaza part or more to Hamas part, they also have blood in their hand.
What is wrong with Muslim now suddenly becoming like terrorist like what westerner envision before. We say "no we are a religion of peace, we did not support terrorism"..then when the conflict happen we say "kill jews, destroy israel, they did not deserve to live, support al qassam"
That sound like a terrorist supporter for me.
Even when we boycott mcdonald, we vandalized their premise like we are some gang of terrorist or what.
How do we promote peace when we act like this? Are our prayer everyday praying for the death of Israel?
Did they realize Islamophobic people tend to say Koran teach and encourage muslim to kill non muslim? Now those people will smile and say " I told you so, I am not surprise, that is how Islam is"
And for those non muslim malaysian, they believe that they are the right one now. So they post and spam their social media eating Israel product and laughing happily ever after. Muslim boycott these product they make a shout out asking for that product and show the world they are using that product.
Then they started posting the right of Israel to found a country and everything unsupporting their fellow muslim friend.
Yet they said they are promoting peace? Are women and children in Gaza death is a joke for them? Are we boycotting israel because we are muslim and non muslim not oblige to oppose the murder of innocence children?
How sick our society is. Does not matter we are muslim or not, women and children are dying in Gaza.
Stop looking people at their religion and race first, look at them as a human first.
I would not kill a Jew if he is innocence. Who are we to decide other people life.
For me, what Israel have done is totally unacceptable and they need a stern action to be carried out to them for their sin in killing innocence people. They should not be supported. They should not just get away like that after kiling a lot of people.
And for Hamas and Al qassam, they should not be praised as a hero. They are not like what those people said " the soldier of Islam", they are just a soldier. They may fight for their own land but they too should not get away just like that after making their own people suffer.
When Prophet Muhammad lost a war, he retreat to make sure not much casualty to be bear by his army. And this Hamas already losing thoussand of their people life, still proudly call them self the Hero and will cost more casualty until they stop and retreat.
Surrender may make you look like a loser but it will never be certain the other side is a complete winner.
Both Israel and Hamas need to stop now.
We should donate our money to buy food for Gazan and not bullet for Hamas. We should boycott Israel to make sure they realize, we will never support terrorist anyway.
For those eagerly want to comment and attack me for not supporting Al Qassam, please do understand, this is my opinion. It is up to you to go and vandalize whatever you want and kill what ever you want. But once you kill, you will never be a hero but a murderer.
Monday, June 02, 2014
Ni District version.
Sure I had my lunch when I became medical officer(MO) myself. Posted in District, there must be a hell lot of time to spare. Or is it.
Now my blackberry era is over. My HTC One alarm clock bell rang. Already snooze it for a few times. Why is is so hard to wake up in the morning. It's 6.30 am. Had my shower, cold shower. My house's heater broke. This old government house build for doctors are poorly maintained. Perhaps no one stay here before me for quite sometime. That's what they said.
I'm fully prepared for work by 7.30am. Life much better now. I'm staying alone in this lonely house, my wife will join me here in a few weeks time. If she came, maybe she can make me some breakfast.
I am on call so breakfast would not be a problem. There will be breakfast prepared by kitchen hospital for oncall MO. In a few minutes time, I will arrived in hospital and I will enjoy my breakfast. A thing that is rare during house officer era.
Breakfast usually simple, same as what patient in the ward get. A naked dinner loaf with hard boiled eggs and a sweet tea or milo, or fried rice. Literally fried rice, with no other ingredients inside it except maybe garlic, salt and pepper. Who says you will be getting nice food in hospital? No one. It's healthy, edible, but not tasty.
Had to eat quick. 20 patient waiting for me in my ward. Yes, 20 patients. Rub that in your face me in my house officer time. Work pretty much the same. Reviewing patient is still the same as what HO did but now I have to make decision myself. The responsibility is mine. Something goes wrong, I will bare it myself. None will help to protect me now. Who ever had been call to state meeting because you fuck up someone's life know what I talking about. They will make you cry and regret your life as a doctor.
So this 20 patient of mine, I will make sure they are alive no matter what. We don't have specialist in my small district hospital so I am pretty much the boss when I do my round. My follower, is my nurse and occasionally a pharmacist. I love them hanging around because they were like a walking dictionary of drugs. If I'm rushing for clinic they even calculate the drug doses for me. A nurse basically just.. I don't know how to describe it. You know what a nurse do. They help me a lot.
If there is a case that I think need to be refer to specialist, I will pick up a phone and ask specialist opinion. This is where I get my 'breakfast' occasionally. Who said you are mo and nobody scold you anymore? You will be scolded, but in my place scolded by phone as my specialist is 200km away from my hospital. This is when you realize, the skill of presenting cases is matter. When two person talking in phone, the way you present will determine whether you will be scold or not. Sometimes I get scolded for no reason. Because for me that patient condition is that bad but the guy at the other side convince me that it was not that bad. I am the one who see the patient! Shit happen.
Wait, I don't have that much time to drag my round for 1 hour. I start working at 8am and I have clinic by 9 am. So i have only 1 hour to see all this patient and document everything inside their case note. And when there is discharge, I am still the one who will be doing all the paper work. Work basically the same as in big hospital but here in my place, I am the MO, I am the specialist and I am myself the HO. No one to bully me and no one for me to bully.
By 9am no matter what, as ordered by my director of hospital, I must run the clinic. Clinic is the boring part of becoming a doctor. Basically you are seeing mostly 'healthy' patient. They came because it's their appointment date. They want or not, they still have to come., and I still have to see them. Basically he don't want to see doctor and I don't want to see him but we will end up in clinic room somehow, and work goes on.
A good patient will come and say "doctor I'm feeling well just prescribe my lipitor. If can, prescribe longer so I do not need to come to hospital that frequently".
A bad patient will says " I'm having back pain, sometime dizzy, only sometime. Not now. Sometime fever, but rarely....." and the story goes on. " I think that metformin not good for me so I didn't take it". Face palm. Her blood sugar is 23mmol.
A terrible patient will come and says " doctor, I need Mc." enough said.
This classification of patient only valid for my own purpose. But you can't actually distinguish patient like this. A talkative patient might be the good one because we can find her illness much easier compare to the one who always claimed he is well and compliance but his diastolic blood pressure is 120mmhg.
Patient who ask for MC, always be a terrible patient.
Clinic usually drag until 1 o'clock, and for a person who is oncall, it's my bad day. I can't go out for lunch because at 1pm until 2pm, I have to cover the whole hospital so that non oncall mo can go eat their lunch. Lunch usually provided for me, consist of, not again, hospital food. Not tasty, not tasty.
Now at 1 pm, I have to sit down in casualty and see green zone patient. Most of the time, I think people really abusing emergency department. I am available in my clinic with 2 other mo to see all this common cold and viral fever case and yet at 1 pm, when other mo go for lunch and only one mo stay in hospital, they will come to casualty department seeking treatment. To ask them to wait until 2 pm is out of the question.
"I cannot wait, I am busy doctor. I have to go somewhere after this"
" I'm not well and you ask me to wait in outpatient department? "
" insect went into my ear, you call this not emergency? What kind of Doctor are you? "
There is actually one uncle in acute exacerbation of chronic airway disease inside red zone, fracture case, stroke, and this guy want me to pull out insect from his ear right now?! Is that thing biting inside your ear? No. When does it occur? Last night! He have like 12 hours to wait to come exactly at 1 pm during lunch time? What a sick world we living this day?
So if you are damn fast, everything will be settle by 2 pm when the primary team arrive back from lunch or if you don't perhaps primary team will come and help you at 2pm. That is rare. You see, as a doctor, everyone is holding so much responsibility for a person life. No one in the world are doing the same thing in my opinion. You become an army and you think you are protecting life? The whole country life? Yes you are. You become pilot, likely you will have to keep 100 lives inside your plane. Yes you are.
Doctors however is not the same like these other job (add other job if you want). Life and death is really (REALLY!) in our hand. We are playing God and we always fail. No other job give you a position to see people dying in front of you and you can't do anything about it but still optimist that you can keep them alive. Really! People that are sick will die somehow someway. A soldier will regret of not killing the enemy who later kill his team mate. A pilot will regret, if not die together with his passenger. A doctor, playing God as I mentioned, regret of not saving that patient who have multiple diseases, a heavy smoker, and he is 90 years old. We are fighting God. The battle that we surely will lose.
Anyway, I do believe other occupation have their own stress and responsibility but I cod not think of others that does what we do every day.
So when the primary team back at 2 pm, most likely all patients from 1 o'clock have 'tattoo of your name on their forehead' . That patient is yours and you better settle it before you go finish other thing such as lunch.
By 2 pm you already have patient waiting for you in ward for that peritoneal tapping you promised in the morning. Perhaps, an acute appendicitis patient need to be cut, or that case that you need to call radiologist 200km away to get CT scan, and clinic patient as usual. And you need to settle that patient with an insect stuck for 12 hours in his ear before hand.
If you are damn lucky, you will have your lunch at 3pm. If not so lucky, you will be eating a cold nasty dinner at 5 pm, hospital food, usually serve at 5-6 pm. Your lunch already eaten by your medical assistant (MA).
And at 5 pm before you can even take a shower, you need to start your oncall. And as usual casualty is your primary base. As usual, all those cold cases will come straight to emergency department after 5pm. Common complains are common cold. Your emergency department will become outpatient starting from 5pm-10pm at night. Plus the real emergency cases.
A bad oncall is when a midwife call you telling that this CTG or fetal heart is no good. Then, trouble begin. An emergency cesarean is a damn medicolegal case potential. You don't want to play with it. So forget that dying young man who involved in car accident, I need to save a baby first
Your second call will be like a superhero, always came in the end. When patient already prep to operating room, he or she will come and you can settle down a bit, back to saving that car accident guy. If he still alive. Please God let him SURVIVE! I don't have time to do post mortem tomorrow.
At night, weird cases happen. Husband punch wife, wife go to hospital, doctor need to write detail report due to possibility of court case. A young girl complain dizziness and urine pregnancy test turn out to be positive when she 'never' had sex with anyone. She must be damn holy! Finger amputated by chainsaw, what the hell are you chainsaw-ing at midnight? Horror movie. A guy who cannot sleep at night, too much coffee? A youngster brought by friend because he fainted after drinking too much alcohol. Great, what alcohol actually do for you by the way? Make you awake and energetic? And lots and lots of illegal immigrants who didn't dare to come at daytime because police might arrest them. I guess police sleep at night nowadays. Crime only happen during day time. No police at night.
As I scan a denying pregnant mother at 4 am, I was damn tired. I do get my sleep on and off but that pattern of sleep always gave me a throbbing headache. Luckily I am a doctor so painkiller like ibuprofen, aspirin, would be available for me to ease the pain. Paracetamol won't work anymore. After explaining to that mother that we need to observe her due to her per vaginal bleeding, I grab a clerking sheet and start writing her clerking admission when I suddenly realize that she is too, a non resident, an illegal immigrants. One thing about them, they really don't have money to pay for hospital bill. If i am a billionaire, I would sponsor her so I do not need to counsel her for 1 and half hour to be admitted. In the end, I sent her home, sign form to go home at her own risk, and maybe now I can get some sleep.
It's already 5.30 am. The cold and quiet dawn. And again, my MA woke me up, "someone brought a dead baby to casualty". Great!
It was until 7 am before I get my sleep. Cases after that, hopefully will be referred to 8am MO. I want to sleep. I don't care if I woke up at 10 AM. I need sleep. I am damn tired of oncall and I want to have some sleep!
Then i started thinking of all patient that is eagerly waiting for me to see. In their head, maybe that doctor will sent me home today. Clinic will be already filling up at 8am. All patient impatiently waiting for their number to be called. I can't sleep thinking of this. No matter how much I hate seeing patient, I still choose this professional line of work. I already took an oath to put patient first above anything else.
Do I get lunch as a medical officer? Yes I do occasionally. Life is not that bad, or maybe it is bad but the life before, is worse. The training of constantly hungry and scolded all the time during house officer creates a person who don't care about anything else anymore other than his work treating patient. Those little thing such as having a normal lunch even in rush bring a feeling of accomplishment.
Life as I said will keep getting better, even better for any other person is not the same as what I feel right now.
Friday, May 30, 2014
"you all makan gaji buta ka? Buat kerja pun lambat. Tadi pakar cakap jam 2 sudah boleh balik!! " says another angry son of of patient.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
I am proud to be a muslim, a sabahan muslim. But to call myself a Malaysian Muslim, I will have a second thought.
Is there any difference between Sabahan muslim and Malaysian muslim? Sabah is a part of Malaysia. Why it should be different. We all pray the same way. Fast in the same month and celebrate eid together. We read the same Holy Quran. There is no difference.
Why do the term sabahan muslim exist?
I also don't know why. But if someone came to Malaysia, there will first encounter the Malaysian Muslim people then we they travel to Sabah or Sarawak the game change.
As everyone knows, Sabah and Sarawak consist of many ethnic which are not practicing Islam. Historically, Islam was not the official religion in these region. Some way and somehow later, Islam was accepted as the official religion of Malaysia and we all do not want any difference between Malaya and Sabah Sarawak. We are one country after all. But the way we were brought up and teach is different.
Since my childhood time, I never encounter a time where religion separate me from my friend. I went to Saint school, I once vandalize the church beside my school but all of that was done on the basic of naughtiness and not religion cause. A lot of my friend are Christian and we never had theological discussion because there is nothing to discuss. My parent never taught me to stay away from that Christian boy, in fact that Christian boy is my best friend. Always celebrate eid together with my family.
Somehow, day by day thing change in this country with all the extremist in Islam start given a spotlight by the media, everything now become an issue. Christian cannot be a good buy to a Muslim anymore.
Is that real? Yes. But not entirely true.
Here in Sabah, I can still see whatever I've been raised with. No religion separation. We all live together in harmony.
We enjoy same food, same drink, halal or haram is a way of our religion but it does not cause us not to enjoy a good time together with our non muslim friend. In shopping mall, left side is halal section and the right side non halal section yet sometime we order different food but sit on the same table as a friend.
Will this last forever?
No. I have sense that with the good coverage of social media, mass media, free flowing information, thing likely to change. My muslim friend start refusing to eat in the mixed restaurant. People start doubting me when I enjoy eating sushi in sushi king. People label me as kafir for eating in Chinese restaurant which clearly stated did not serve pork or alcohol.
And my non muslim friend start making fun of my religion after a lot of stupid statement in the news such as dialysis for those who eaten that Cadbury chocolate which contaminated by swine dna. And they start showing off their pork meal, bacon, just to show off that they can eat pork and we could not.
In the end, respect has been lost by both party. Muslim look down on non muslim and non muslim disguise muslim. What a sick world we live in this day.
I hope, respect can be born again for me still holding my principal to respect other religion. I hope there will be more people that respect each other exist.
STOP MAKING FUN OF OTHER RELIGION OTHER THAN Yours.
This goes to you Muslims, and you Christians, and you Buddhist and you Hindus, and everybody else.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
I finally able to enter my house. Still under renovation, it basically empty with only electric and water. I could live with that. So I try staying there for 3 nights before I went on to my next trip to Kuching,Sarawak. Free place to stay, save money. I don't need TV or furniture. I just need a clean floor, a pillow and an electric fan to keep me cool.
From my observation, this neighborhood is not the best neighborhood after all. There is a slum just beside this apartment area, and i do not know whether that slum looked village is even legal. The people there look illegal. One word to describe this place, it's overcrowded. With lots of shop and hypermarket (even a mall), everyday traffic are congested.
Anyhow, the second day I'm in this apartment, the first thing I check is the mailbox. Wow, there are a lot of charges that i need to pay. Do i even own my own house apartment? I do not know. I feel like I'm renting in this place.
There are services charges, sinking fun, fire insurance, water bill... A total of 300+ ringgit. Sigh. I need a second parking and there is also a charge for that, 60 ringgit per month.
If I want to renovate my house i need to deposit 1000. If I bought a furniture, I need to deposit 500. Why do i need to pay deposit for work to be done at my own house!? Turn out that the deposit need to cover damage (if any) at the common area while renovation work. We didn't own the common area!
To think it logically, I pay that much money to the developer and that money , I believe, use to make that common area. I doubt the developer use their own money to create the common area.
This is the worse apartment management I have seen so far. But I just want to keep myself below the radar, so i just pay that deposit and hopefully I can renovate my house without any disturb.
Perhaps later i will stay here a bit more longer.